My Luscious Mistress

After my long relationship became to an end some time ago, it was clear that there was a certain vacuum in my life for something to behold and caress. Something to show affection to and hold as dear. This is a natural reaction for us intelligent mammals, and I am certain that everyone who has this, or some other kind of void in their life, experiences something similar to this. Sometimes stronger and sometimes less so. When you posses the physical attributes and the facial structure which I do, filling this void particular can be a taller order than for most other people. However, this is nothing to be worried about, alternative options are available out there. And I am not talking about females who make their living with requiring a payment in exchange for physical proximity and fake expressions of affection, or excess use of all the intoxicating substances known to man. Emphasis on the word excess.

Solution is much simpler, and also much more cost efficient than either of these.

If we rewind the clock back few months, we land to a point of time where I started working again at the glorious Somerset House Ice Rink. Surrounded by old and new friends, during one evening shift I received a hint from the jolly Asian, William. Little did I know that this little subtle phrase would go on to change my life, possibly forever. He told a brief, but extremely tempting tale about a mystical place called the Meatmarket, located within the beautiful Covent Garden. What made it even more intriguing, it just so happens to be that this was not far from our current position at the time. As a wild and open-minded adventurer, I decided to go on a quest to find this paradise as described in this epic fairytale, told by this laughing and playful friend of mine.

When the time to head out for my break drew closer, I knew exactly what I had to do. William and that handsome ginger-haired devil Max had provided me with fairly accurate coordinates and all I had to do was to put the skills learned in the Finnish Defense Forces to good use. For a 2nd Lieutenant and a M/80 combat engineer platoon leader, hardened by 362 days of living and fighting alongside some of the toughest specimens found on this earth, this was not something that could even be called a mission. But no task should be underestimated and before I sprinted out of the gaping gates of Somerset House, I made a quick assessment of the current situation.

Wallet: check. Clothes: check. Beanie: check. Shoes: check.

After this, I was off to the races.

With the spring of a young antilope in my step and banging Hardstyle beats in my ears, I found the Meatmarket fairly easily just as I had suspected. The big neon signs that said things like "hot dogs" and "burgers" kinda aided me in this mission, but I can't deny feeling quite happy about my accomplisment. I entered this very modest looking place through a stairwell and in a way it was promising. A short menu and the seemingly simple surroundings are usually a good sign of something special coming from the depths of the kitchen. I had heard great things about the hot dogs, but since I have never really been the greatest fan of these creations, I opted to go for a burger with a very intrguing name. This, and the dish that inspired this lyrical outburst were my choices. A burger called "Dead Hippie" and the true reason for my curiosity, Chilli Cheese Fries. After hearing my name called through the PA system and receiving a very exciting bagful indeed I made my way back to the staff room inside the courtyard of Somerset House. And just for the record, I am totally bragging when I say that one of my special skills is that I remember the route which I have walked, driven or ridden and always find my way back. Always.

The burger itself was quite a magnificent piece of work, but the great burgers this splendid little place has to offer are not the reason why I visit this place at least once a week. When I ordered Chilli Cheese Fries, I thought I am going to receive a portion of fries flavored with chilli, I didn't even pay attention to the "cheese" bit mentioned in the name. The truth however was drastically different. I firmly believe that the magic of this dish lies in the simplicity of it all. And when I say dish, I mean a dish. The base is laid with obviously, fries. On top of the fries is spread the chilli beef, which is covered with melted cheese. Top top the whole thing off there are diced onions, jalapenos and a nice weaving line of mustard. And I know, people who have known me since my childhood will vouch for the fact that I usually despise mustard. But in this dish, even mustard works together with the other incredients to create this perfect harmony. 

The whip of truth cracks when I say that this was not love at the first bite. The Dead Hippie burger had severely filled up the very limited space of my stomach, and I was still riding an emotional rollercoaster about the fact that I had no idea how to approach this intriguing dish, that I did not expect to be a dish in the first place. Even though the start of this odd relationship was not the one from the fairytales, something set a fire in the corner of my heart and soul (and stomach), so I had to have a rematch. If nothing else, just to dig deeper in to Chilli Cheese Fries' true meaning and find out why it sparked my interest. Probably needless to say that it is hard to describe what feelings arise from the depths of ones brains when you shovel it towards the noise producing organs with that lovely transparent plastic fork Meatmarket provides you with. Simple, yet literally full of layers. The gentle but firm heat is there not only because the food is warm, but it is not to overwhelm you, just to make you warm from the inside too. The spectrum of textures moves effortlessly between the softness of melted cheese on top and the crispiness of fries at the bottom. Feeling is something that is hard to describe and I guess like always with pieces of art, that's the way it is meant to be.

For your viewing pleasure: me enjoying the Double Bubble burger and Chilli Cheese Fries with my boy Matt Paloscio.

I guess it kinda shines through that you have to experince this yourself to know what it is like. And I strongly recommend you would. If you want to make to make the hike to London in order to know what I am talking about, I am more than willing to accomodate you.

Price of that? Let's say a portion of Chilli Cheese Fries, which will set you back a modest £4,50. Not a bad financial contribution for something you will never forget.